Grief

Emotions wax and wane with grief.

There are moments when you feel, “Everything will be ok. I can do this. Others have gone through this and made it to the other side.”

Those are the reassuring moments. They feel so strong you don’t know how you could feel any other way. You may even notice a smile or a little laugh.

Then, it hits you, and all those positive feelings wash away as you again plummet.

What causes this emotional rollercoaster?

“It” is different for everyone. It can be a song, a smell, a color, or “anything.” That’s what makes life living in the process of grief so challenging. You don’t know when it will jump up and slap you in the face, demanding your attention.

Suddenly, those strong positive messages playing in your head become replaced with sorrow, despair, hopelessness, fear, anxiety, and chaos. Then, your head starts to spin when you even think about getting out of bed. You feel paralyzed when figuring out daily details. These moments become filled with “I’ll never be ok again.” “How can I feel joy ever again?” “No one could understand why I feel the way I do.” “I feel so alone.”

Welcome to the emotional grief rollercoaster. The chaos of it makes us feel crazy. We struggle to trust anything we think because we know that tomorrow, or even an hour from now, we could feel very different, or maybe we won’t.

Every day, we feel challenged to complete the most minor tasks, things “normal” people do every day. Things we used to do without even thinking about them now require planning.

Grief is not only about death and dying.

“It was just a job. There will be other opportunities. I was so happy there and worked with great people. But it was just a job. When I get another job, the emptiness and sadness will disappear. At least, I hope it does.” That is grief.

“We raised our children to become independent people, yet when they left home, we felt hit with a pain we cannot understand.” That is grief.

“The divorce was the healthiest decision for both of us. It was a mutual choice we made for ourselves and each other. And I still feel like I lost something important to me. None of my friends and family get why I feel this way. I don’t get why I feel this way.” That is grief.

“It is so easy. Women get pregnant every day – Just not me or not my wife. The questions we ask ourselves about why it’s not happening and about our self-worth regarding becoming parents keep us up at night. But desperation, hopelessness, and anguish grow each month.” That is grief.

Grief is a normal human response to love and loss.

One of the most challenging aspects of coping with grief is feeling pressured by family, friends, acquaintances, and society in general to “just get over it.”

There is no time limit or “healthy for everyone” timeframe for grief. You process through it at your own pace. Your neighbor, boss, spouse, or parent isn’t exactly experiencing what you are experiencing, so how would they know what’s best for you?

Society has a discomfort for discomfort. And that discomfort gets transferred to those who mourn a grievous situation. It is not right and not fair!

You have a right to feel what you feel and for as long as you are going to feel it.

When you are ready to start healing and regaining hope, I can help.

I have faced many grief experiences in my life, ranging from death to divorce and job loss to the loss of innocence. People told me to “get over it,” or worse, had that sentiment spoken behind my back. I have felt betrayed by those whom I held so close to me. It’s devastating.

The emotional grief rollercoaster is a ride through hell. Still, it becomes much more complicated when you add the despair of feeling misunderstood, overly dramatic, judged, unheard, and unseen.

As a Certified Grief Informed Professional, I will help you understand more about your loss and the present layers of your grief, some of which you may be aware of and some of which you may not. We will process your pain, celebrate the good moments, and honor the hurtful ones for what they mean. I will be with you while you uncover all this loss means to you.

Grief shared is grief diminished. Call or email today.